Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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