i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
