I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize