Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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