I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
