Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
