fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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