He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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