Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
