I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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