how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
