She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
