Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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