Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
