when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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