I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize