Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
