in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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