whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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