I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
