What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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