Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
