Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
