I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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