Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
