I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize