He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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