tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
