I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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