a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
