Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
