Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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