Man, jail baloney is awful.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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