i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
