Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
