So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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