Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
