They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
