I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
