if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
