It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
