I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
