I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
