dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We are all done wearing pants today
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
