whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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