He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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