Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
