So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
