He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
