My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
