I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
