You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
