i just had sex bonerless
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
