my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
