Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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