The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Holy shit dude........stairs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
