Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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