After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
