you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
